and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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