Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
