Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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