Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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