I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm passing your future prison.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
