grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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