I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
