I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
