dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
