We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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