I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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