omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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