Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Couch. On fire.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
