Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
