so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Banned from zoo.
Again?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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