Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
