I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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