Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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