dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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