I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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