I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
