Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
