Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
