2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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