At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
