I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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