I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize