That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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