2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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