It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
