So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
