Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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