Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
