We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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