Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Boobs are out for the taking
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He shit in the fireplace
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
