I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
