You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
