HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
