This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
