My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
