We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
