you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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