He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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