if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
