So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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