if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
