Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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