This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize