UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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