Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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