Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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