i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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