he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize