In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
