Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
