Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
