My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Success! We fucked roommates!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
