i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
