I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If I die, sorry about rent.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
