I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
