Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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