called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
