so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize