I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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