I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
