Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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