he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I enjoy the company of your penis
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